My Crazy Geography Class
by FrUKing Awesome Canadian Hero
Summary: Sometimes the truth of school is even crazier than the rumors... Or, at least, when you're Canada it is. What are they teaching kids these days? True story.


**A/N: My geography class is hopeless. I'm glad to be invisible sometimes...**

* * *

><p>I sit quietly in my seat in the back row of Mr. Edelstein's Geography class, being ignored like usual. Alfred, on the other hand, is in the front row goofing off like usual. He is surrounded by girls and his jock friends. I sigh wistfully; sometimes I wish desperately that I was even just a <em>little <em>bit like him. Friends to sit with at lunch would sure be nice.

Our attention is turned to Mr. Edelstein when he turns on the projector and a set of ten questions is shown onto the board, and gives us the directions. Oh, no... I forgot that today is our world trivia quiz. Hopefully I'll do alright.

He passes out papers, forgetting me until the second time around, and then the quiz begins. I look up at the board, reading the questions and writing down the answers that I pray are right.

1. What is the northernmost state of the United States of America?

Well, Alfred should know all about that one. I put down 'Alaska' and read number two.

2. Which country has Warsaw as its capital?

"Not _its_," I mutter under my breath. "_His_."

3. What country is known as the 'Land Down Under'?

Hmm, maybe I should go meet Australia sometime. It seems like the bottom of the world would be a lonely place to live. Maybe Kumajiro would make friends with the kangaroos!

4. Where was the artist Leonardo Da Vinci born?

Well, that's easily. Papa's always ranting about how he wishes the guy had been his rather than Italy's, just for the bragging rights.

5. France is under what type of government system, as of 2012?

Speak of the devil! I smile; I always know what's going on with my Papa!

6. Which country is known as 'The Land of the Rising Sun'?

Kiku! Hm, I must go see him sometime. I smile, feeling better with each easy question, and turn to number seven.

7. What kingdom is the country Wales part of?

I knew Dad would be in here somewhere...

8. What state is known as the 'Lone Star State'?

Another one Alfred should know.

9. Draw a rough sketch of Denmark's flag.

Hmm, this one is tough. I'm not that good of an artist, so I just do my best and hope that Mr. Edelstein is feeling particularly generous today.

I turn to the last question with a sense of triumph that quickly dwindles. 10. What is your opinion of Russia?

Eh...

That doesn't seem safe to answer, Mr. Edelstein...

I leave it blank.

* * *

><p>The next day I quietly walk in and take my seat, five minutes late. No one notices, though, so I slip past without a tardy.<p>

Mr. Edelstein is ranting on about something, and writing up the correct answers to yesterday's quiz on the board. I smile; I got them all right, except for number ten, which turned out to be extra credit anyway.

But as soon as the satisfaction secures itself, Mr. Edelstein turns to the class, not looking amused. "Now," he growls. "I think we should write up some of the rather... _faulty _answers next."

It's all I can do to keep from giggling aloud at what some of my classmates wrote down.

1. Apparently the northernmost state of America is _Canada._

Bah humbug.

2. Warsaw is the capital of Belgium.

I wonder briefly if Belgium has a pony.

3. Finland is now known as the 'Land Down Under'.

Yes, because we all know that Santa Claus lives in tropical Oceania.

4. Leonardo Da Vinci was apparently born in Austria.

5. Papa is communist.

I nearly die laughing.

6. Germany is the 'Land of the Rising Sun'.

I _do _die laughing.

7. Wales is apparently part of Poland.

I wonder briefly is my uncle's house is painted a 'vicked hipster pink'.

8. Hawaii is now officially the 'Lone Star State'.

9. Denmark's flag apparently features a maple leaf. I wonder when he changed it to look so much like mine...

There are two answers for number ten. I collapse onto my desk, shaking with silent laughter even though I know it could be putting my life in danger as I do so.

10. Opinion of Russia Number One: "Violence solves anything and everything, and if it doesn't you're just not using enough of it."

Opinion of Russia Number Two: "Russians don't need guns—they just light their arm on fire and hit people with it."

When the class is dismissed and we all head to lunch, I notice a strange man in a long coat leaning against the wall, armed and ready with lead pipe in hand.

He turns to me. "Where is your brother, Matvey?" he asks. "I will beat his brains out with lead pipe. Da?"


End file.
